My hope is that these examples can be models for anyone needing, in this time of pandemic isolation, to feel closer to a partner or a friend or family member, as certainly this advice is not relevant only to those in romantic relationships. In the four columns I’ve selected below, Lori coaches readers in the conversations they need to have to get through tough situations.
Communicating, in this sense, is a process of both connection and self-discovery. Talking honestly and openly won’t necessarily save a troubled relationship, but doing so can clarify whether one can and should be saved. “Bring honesty into all of your relationships,” Lori advises, “knowing that it’s the soil from which everything healthy grows.” That doesn’t mean making one’s case, but doing the work required to understand one’s own feelings, to express them in ways that are respectful and truthful, and then to stop talking and listen, without being defensive and without judgment. This isn’t to say that they are banal, but the opposite: The desire to find and sustain love is an essential part of being human-something nearly everyone has, in the deepest sense, in common.Īs I read through Lori’s columns on relationships, one central theme emerged: the necessity of honest, vulnerable communication. No surprise, many readers write to Lori with questions about their relationships sex, heartbreak, children (and whether to have them in the first place), and how to take care of a suffering partner are all struggles of the most common sort. This month, I’m exploring the theme of relationships: having them, not having them, and having them fall apart.Ĭhoosing just four columns was quite a challenge. Lori Gottlieb continues to work on her book, and I continue to bring you some “Dear Therapist” wisdom in her stead. Rosen, the editor of Dear Therapist, begins another month as The Atlantic’s “Dear Therapist” archivist, pointing readers to some of Lori’s most beloved columns. Editor’s Note: With Lori Gottlieb on book leave, Rebecca J.
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